The Polar Vortex – According To A Californian

 

 

So there’s this record-shattering blast of arctic air across the country that’s basically freezing everything. It’s been called the polar vortex. Temperatures have plunged to single digits and below freezing. 2 years ago, I would have watched the reports of something like this on the news, shook my head, been grateful for living in Cali, and kept it moving. NOT ANYMORE!!! I am living in this. And it is nothing like anything I have ever experienced.

The following is what I’ve learned over the last few days…

Enjoy. Laugh. Share. But DO NOT TELL ME WHAT TEMPERATURE IT IS IN CALIFORNIA!

layering

the one on the far left… yep, that’s me!

Layering:

They don’t make anything anywhere remotely thick enough, clothing wise, in California. It doesn’t exist. Nope. You can’t convince me. So what I’ve learned to do is layer. You put on a camisole. Then a tank top. Then a long sleeved shirt. Then a sweater. Then a sweatshirt. For the bottoms, you put on long socks. Then regular socks. Then leggings. Then pants. And of course you put your boots on, the thickest coat you have, your gloves, your scarf, your beanie, then your hat.

And then you realize that you are BURNING UP because you have on all of those clothes. Once you get dressed, you have to hurry up and get outta the house before hyperthermia sets in. (Hyperthermia is an elevated body temperature. The opposite of hypothermia.) And if you don’t put enough layers of clothing on, when you go outside you’ll suffer from hypothermia – because its so daggone cold!

I got dressed this morning and immediately broke out in a sweat until I got outside. Ridiculous.

Cold:

Its really really REALLY *REALLY* cold. Colder than anything you can possibly imagine. Its like someone left the deep freezer door open for like 6 months. Its so cold it hurts. If you’ve never felt cold in your bones, you have no idea what this is. I made the mistake of trying to breathe out of my mouth because I was damned near running to get outta the cold. BIG MISTAKE. I just sucked in all of that painful cold and my lungs said NO!

Stay indoors:

The folks on the news say it. Stay inside. Don’t go outside. Remember when smog was really bad in Southern California? They would give us the air quality and tell us on really bad days to stay indoors? And we didn’t listen and went outside and played and did whatever anyway?

Nah son. Stay inside. There is nothing you need to do outside when it is 5 degrees outside. And mind you, I’m not experiencing the negative temperatures. I don’t even know what I’d do if that were to happen here. But seriously, no trip to the mall for a pair of shoes is that serious. Just order em online. Your car NEVER warms up enough. Imagine wearing all of those layers of clothes and getting in your car and NOT taking off a single item. The heater is just working overdrive. If you have to make a short trip, forget about it. If you’ve got a bit of a drive, you might get to take off your hat. Parking outside is NOT the business – you most definitely want a garage. Driving in all of this stuff isn’t cute because of the possibility of ice, but I won’t talk about the terrible driving here. It’s bad no matter what the weather.

So to sum it all up, IT IS COLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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